“When I was walking the other day I found out I could chew gum at the same time!”
And you know what? You can too!

The lawyers make me say this: Your own success is guaranteed only by the way in which you utilize this product. If you don’t use it properly, I claim no responsibility. Sorry. That’s just the way it is. Now on to the good stuff:

Hi. My name is Michael White. Let me ask you some questions:

Do you ever feel you are the butt of a joke?
Do you ever wonder how come you’re just standing there with your keys in your hand for hours on end?
Do you get stumped by simple questions like these?
Have you ever spent money on something that was truly worthless?
Have you fallen for a simple scam?

No matter how young or old you may be, I have found the perfect solution to all of your problems! That’s right! I said it! The perfect solution!

Thinking from the first day!

My product is so powerful, it’ll have you thinking from the moment you purchase it. You’ll never know how you got along without it! See, one day it just came to me. “What is it that people I’ve met in my daily life are missing? What is it that they yearn for day and night?” So I got out a pen and a sheet of paper and made a quick sketch. I’m not going to show you that sketch because I’m not much of an artist. It was a sketch of a “puppy cat” anyway and I was on the wrong track. After that sketch I started writing on the same sheet of paper. Mostly scribbles. But then it really came to me! I knew exactly what people were missing. Before going any further, here are some testimonials. I didn’t pay these people anything. I swear:

Michael’s product has been heaven sent. I just don’t understand why I never thought of this before. What he’s charging is a drop in the bucket of what it is worth! - Brianna Trackle, Dayton, OH

Oh my goodness! Where do I start with such a wonderful product? I just can’t get over the fact that he even came up with this product! I only wish he would have sold it sooner. So many things would be different in my life. - Brianna Trackle, Dayton, OH

Michael. Why do you keep asking me about your product over and over? - Brianna Trackle, Dayton, OH

Ok, so now that I know I have you hooked into buying my product, I guess it’s time to tell you what it is:

My product is called a “Big Round Articulated INterlobe” or B.R.A.IN for short. With this B.R.A.IN, you’ll be able to do things you’ve never thought possible. Here are some of the features:

• Being able to make educated decisions.
• Being able to think for yourself.
• Being able to notice when someone is pulling your leg in all manners of speech.
• Being able to put letters together in such a manner that actual words are formed.

Not only can it do those things, but if you act within the next 24 hours I’ll throw in the following two (2) products that work well with the B.R.A.IN:

1. COMa MONster SENt SEarching, or COM.MON.SEN.SE for short: This beast will find just about any misplaced thought and put it back where it belongs for you.
2. WIShful DOMinion, or WIS.DOM for short: This is a small place out on the ocean where you can use your new B.R.A.IN to find the true meaning of the universe, or at least know how to not upset your in-laws.

So act now and receive your B.R.A.IN, COM.MON.SEN.SE, and WIS.DOM for the very low price of a nickel-ninety-five. You’ll be happy you did.

Posted by Saphrym | 20 Comments »

By popular demand, apparel has been designed to accompany this article. Visit the Jimtree Dev Inc. store.

Following on the success of World of Warcraft and the Wii, a small developing firm in Nitlun, Colorado decided to create a new breed of Massively Multiplayer Online (MMO) game. This groundbreaking technology is the core of Jimtree Dev Inc.’s mission statement to provide entertainment for the masses no matter education levels or age.

Leigh “Zee” Gaimer, the head of the development team, terms the technology “OneBut.” “OneBut gives players the capability of playing a game using only one button.” She smiles as she says this. “We’ve watched how World of Warcraft has risen to millions of subscribers and feel it’s based off of the ease of use of the system they employ.” Gaimer goes on to mention that the entire gameplay mechanics rests solely on the pressing of one button. “We’re very proud of this system. The player can even choose which button they want to use, whether it’s the ‘5′ key or the ‘End’ key on their keyboard, it’s their choice.”

The game will be set in both a technological and fantastical world. Magic and technology coexist to create a world that bends genres so that anyone can appreciate the stories told within it. “We wanted to make sure we could reach the broadest audience possible. Even the art direction is mosaic-like with it’s incorporation of anime, North American comic book, and a dash of Divinci thrown in for the older crowd.” Gaimer insists that although they are relying on the “OneBut” system to increase their overall sales and subscriptions of the game, story and eye candy are still very important to them. “As a matter of fact, we have Stephen King, Terry Brooks, and J.K. Rowling writing the stories and some really good art people designing the look and feel. This game is next generation and will require next generation technology to handle it.”

Gaimer was reluctant to comment much on the “OneBut” system since the game wouldn’t launch for another few months, but she was willing to say this: “The OneBut system will allow you to move, attack, cast spells, chat, craft and do many other tasks all with just one button.” She gave us a small demonstration of the system showing that pressing the button would bring up a list of options for chat because it knew she wanted to chat. These options were “Pwned!”, “That was gay!”, “You’re gay!”, “kk”, “l8rs”, and finally “@#$%”. The system then correctly guessed which one of these she would choose, so when she pressed the button it instantly put “That was gay!” in the chat box and sent it into the channel. “The system has an advanced artificial intelligence,” is all Gaimer would say as she flashed a wicked grin.

The game, untitled as of yet, is slated for a release in Fall of next year. Jimtree Dev Inc. is expecting profits in the ten-figure range. Considering the target audience of the game, they will likely reach those estimates within the first year after launch.

Keep your eyes and ears open for this exciting new technology and what it may mean for the future of gaming.

(NOTICE: “World of Warcraft” is the property of Blizzard. “Wii” is the property of Nintendo. Names of people and places are fictional. This satire/parody has been brought to you by Saphrym.com and written by Michael White. Feel free to copy and paste it anywhere as long as you keep this notice included. Original article location: http://www.saphrym.com/blog/2007/06/23/one-button-mmo-worth-billions/ )

Posted by Saphrym | 3 Comments »