“You guys can go ahead without me. I think I’m going to stay around here,” said Miles Crandle.
“Are you sure? We’re planning on having a lot of fun, Miles. We’re going to the zoo and then heading downtown to go window shopping,” said Julie Graylin.
“Yeah. Like I want to shop with a bunch of women,” he said with a grin.
Julie playfully slapped him on his shoulder. “Well, I guess I’ll see you later. Take care of yourself and promise me you won’t go looking through old photos again.”
“You know I can’t promise that, Julie. Sometimes they make me feel better.”
“But she’s gone, Miles. And every time you look at those photos, I can see the pain in your face,” she said with a worried look on her face.
“I know she’s gone. But I will do my best not to look. Ok?”
“Ok.” Julie lightly kissed Miles on the cheek and walked out the front door. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Sure. Coffee in the afternoon at Gerald’s again?”
“Yeah. I’ll see you there.”
Miles closed the door behind Julie as she waved and walked away. He stood in the entry to his three-bedroom house as a tiny tear trickled down his cheek. He remained there for a few minutes, lost deep in thought. After a while, he wiped the tear from his face, and headed to his bedroom, the one that used to be their bedroom. He sat on the blue-flowered bed and reached under it searching for a familiar touch. The album slid easily out from under the bed and he placed it on his lap. Miles Crandle gently touched the white leather cover of the album. His fingers traced over the words “Our Wedding Day” that were embossed in a golden hue.
“Everything is going to be fine, Samantha,” said Miles as he caressed Samantha’s hand.
Samantha Crandle, his wife, was covered in a white hospital sheet. Her crystal eyes were closed. He hadn’t seen them in two days. The doctors had told him it wasn’t unusual for patients to sleep for a few days after having extensive surgery. Samantha’s scarred and battered face showed no emotion as he spoke to her. Miles stood up from his chair and carefully brushed his fingertips against her cheek hoping for some sign of consciousness. She didn’t move.
Miles thought about the day she came to the hospital. She had been driving her cute little Ford two-door hatchback. She had loved that car and its powder blue exterior. It wasn’t fancy, but it fit her personality. Samantha was an easy woman to please. Miles had been lucky to find her among all of the black-hearted women in Atlanta. She had accepted him as he was. But now she was broken because that Chevy truck didn’t know the difference between a red light and a green light. Miles was standing across the street waiting for her to come pick him up when the truck plowed straight through the intersection and hit Samantha’s car with so much force, it had spun many times before crashing through the window of the drug store on the opposite corner.
Miles had run with Superman speed to try and help his wife. Cars stopped to look at the wreck while he tried to pry the door open. It hadn’t budged. The cop cars and ambulances arrived quickly and suddenly Miles was sitting in the back of an ambulance looking through the haze of confusion at his bloodied wife.
The blood had been washed away since then, but there were many bruises and cuts on her face and even more hiding under the sheet. One of her ribs had shattered and pierced her lungs. Her left leg had broken. Her hip had dislocated. Her skull had fractured. The list could have gone on. Miles turned away from his wife with tears streaming down his face.
“If only I had driven my own car. Or maybe if I hadn’t gotten off of work early. The difference five seconds would have made,” he whispered to himself wanting to scream instead, but not while he was here. Whether she could hear him or not, he didn’t want to take the chance.
Over the next few days, Miles diligently slept in the hospital chair, and when not asleep, he was holding his wife’s hand or talking to her about all of the things they had done in their lives. Some mornings he woke with a hospital sheet covering him. The nurses around here were nice to him. Everyone was nice to him except God. God was not so nice at the moment. An alarm sounded from one of the machines in the room, and Miles was suddenly rushed out of his wife’s room. He fought to get back in to his Samantha, but the orderlies kept him back. They’d have bruises in the morning, but they kept him back. He watched as his wife’s bed was wheeled quickly from her room and away from him. He reached out his hand, but the orderlies still had a good hold on his arms. He tried to scream for them to let him go so he could be with his wife, but the words got stuck on the lump in his throat. Instead, he slumped in the arms of the orderlies, and cried. The next time he saw his wife was in a coffin being lowered into the ground.
Miles opened the cover of the album and quietly flipped the pages. On each page he was reminded of the beauty of his wife. Her long straight red flocks flowed down to her waist. He studied the pictures of their wedding on the beach. The sun shined in such a way that her hair, being coerced by a gentle ocean breeze, flowed behind her like a calm fire. Her sparkling green eyes were filled with love and joy. He could still remember how nervous she had been about their wedding. She had fluttered across the house while on the phone calling one person about flowers and later calling her sister in California to make sure she had gotten her plane tickets. Miles looked over and realized he was clutching that same blue cordless phone in his hand. He yearned to touch all of the things she had touched so he could feel her once again.
Miles finished flipping through the album and placed it back under the bed. After wiping away more tears, he finally gathered the strength he needed to get off the bed and go eat lunch. He walked downstairs with his hands on the banister she had held onto so tightly when she was carrying a box of shoes she was giving to Goodwill. They were still in perfect condition, and some were never even worn. Samantha had felt that others could make good use of them.
He walked down the hall and kept his eyes straight knowing that he may never reach the kitchen if he was to look to his right or left. Pictures hung on those walls; pictures of Samantha smiling. The kitchen didn’t help much either. Samantha loved to cook. Miles loved to help her cook. They had spent many nights in the kitchen trying out new recipes. Even when the food wasn’t good, the company was truly what mattered. The hours spent covered in flour and corn meal were more precious to him than any metal ever could be. Every item in the kitchen had been hand picked by Samantha. She had a thing for country-blue flowers. If she couldn’t find a spatula with the right patterns, she would find one in the right color and paint the flowers on it. The cabinets were covered in blue flowers. During many nights, those flowers would have had a story to tell as kisses in the kitchen ended up in love on the floor.
Miles fixed himself a peanut butter sandwich. They were very simple, but they were also Samantha’s favorite snack. She never put jelly on them either. She loved the way the peanut butter and bread would stick against the roof of her mouth. She’d use her tongue to pull it off and then giggle in embarrassment when she caught Miles watching her. Miles reached into the cabinet next to the blue refrigerator Samantha had painted and pulled down a glass with blue flowers printed on it. The refrigerator had gotten many paint jobs because at first Samantha had tried to use latex. It was a cute mistake. They laughed about it many times afterward. He poured some milk into his glass and sat down at the kitchen table. The table top was sandy brown just like the spindled chairs, but the cushions had her signature blue flowers.
Miles picked up the newspaper Julie had brought in for him and looked through the headlines. Another murder had occurred not too far from central Atlanta. Right below that one, a car wreck that backed up traffic for miles. He quickly flipped to the comics but found no relief there. Miles stood up and left his uneaten sandwich and full glass of milk on the table.
“I’ll clean that up later,” he said to himself.
He walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. This room was darker than the others. Dark cherry paneling covered the walls. The couch and chairs were covered in brown leather. Miles had chosen the design scheme for this room. He liked cold weather, and this room, with its heavy curtains and dark colors was always the coldest room in the house. He reached over and grabbed the remote from the coffee table and turned on the television. Slowly, he flipped through the channels.
“Nothing on.”
He set the remote back on the coffee table and suddenly heard his wife’s voice. He looked up to see a home video showing on the television. He had accidentally pressed the play button on the video player remote when he set down the other one. He went to turn it off, but stopped for a moment and watched the video.
“Do you want to have kids?”
“Yes,” he said.
“How many?”
“As many as you want.”
“I will have a hundred kids if you ask me too,” Samantha said with a serious smile on her face.
“Well, not that many. How about five?”
“Done.” Samantha’s face shined in the dark room. “Don’t you think we need to get started then?” Her wink made his heart melt.
Miles turned off the video. He couldn’t watch it anymore. He went back into the hallway and opened a drawer on the table reserved for keys, wallets, and purses. There was a brown envelope. He picked it up and slowly open the flap. Miles reached inside and pulled out the black and white ultrasound photos.
“It’s a girl,” the doctor said with a big smile on her face.
“Oh Miles! A girl. I can start picking out the stuff for her room now.”
Miles smiled and hugged his wife.
“What are we going to name her, Miles?”
“How about Jasmine, after my great aunt?”
“No. Your aunt’s too mean,” said Samantha. “I don’t want our daughter growing up to be mean.” She laughed.
“Ok, then you pick it.” Miles smiled back at her.
“Hmmmm. How about Sapphire?”
“Like the stone?”
“Yes. Like the stone, silly!”
Miles smiled. “Perfect.”
Miles went down to his knees and covered his face with the photos and his hands. His imagination ran wild with thoughts of Samantha and his daughter running through the park, swinging on swings, and picking blue flowers for the vase in the kitchen. Sapphire looked just like her mother. Her hands were smaller, her cheeks had the cute little baby fat in them, and her eyes sparkled with a darker green, but otherwise she looked the same as her mother in all of the memories he truly never had. She hadn’t been born yet. She had died with her mother.
“You let our daughter and granddaughter die!” Mrs. Walker was in tears after the burial.
Miles lifted his crying eyes to her. “I’m sorry. I know. I should have done something. I should have seen the truck. I should have left work later. I… I…” Miles broke down. Mrs. Walker ran out of the room crying.
Mr. Walker came over and put his hand on Miles Crandle’s shoulder.
“It’s not your fault. My wife is just upset. She doesn’t mean what she’s saying. Samantha was our only child. She misses her.”
“I do too. I miss her smiles. I miss the way she chewed on a lock of her hair when she was nervous about something.”
Mr. Walker took a deep breath to keep himself from crying. “I know you do son. Let Maggie calm down. You’re still part of this family, and I expect you to come visit us every once in a while.” Mr. Walker helped Miles stand and left to console his wife.
Miles carefully replaced the photos back into the envelope and placed the envelope back into the drawer and closed it. He headed for the garage. He opened the door leading from the kitchen into the garage and looked around. He focused his eyes on the unfinished white crib in the corner. He walked over to it and grabbed his tools from the workbench. Over the next hour, he put all of the finishing touches on the crib. He rolled it out of the garage and carefully pulled it up the stairs and to the nursery. He rolled it into the corner Samantha had prepared for it. He looked around the pink room. Teddy bears were painted on the walls. They had used stencils to do it, but it came out looking nice. Miles remembered the smile on Samantha’s face and the laughter in her eyes when some pink paint had gotten on his nose.
His next stop was back in the bedroom. He quickly made the bed and flattened out the bedspread just the way Samantha liked it. He then hurried to the kitchen, ate the sandwich, drank the milk, and did his dishes. He grabbed the drying towel from the handle of the stove and put the dishes away. He carefully placed the towel back on the handle so the blue flowers would face out.
Miles went to the hall closet and grabbed the vacuum and cleaned all of the floors. He pulled the vacuum upstairs and finished there also. He grabbed a dust rag and made sure everything was clean. The little figurines of fairies and unicorns with blue flowers in their hair and manes were wiped gently. He had bought her quite a few over the years, so it took a while. He went back into the garage and got in his car. It was an older Corvette. He still needed to trade it in for a minivan. He wasn’t going to let his wife get rid of her favorite car.
He drove to the car lot, did the necessary paperwork, and drove off the lot with a brand new minivan. It was powder blue and fully loaded with all the bells and whistles. He had read about it in Consumer Reports. Of all minivans, it was the safest one available. He drove it to the nearest hobby shop and purchased some paper, a quill, some paints, and a few others items. He then drove to the local pawn shop and came out with a small bag.
On his way to the toy store, Miles stopped off at the park and sat in a swing. He didn’t move. He looked around the place and smiled as he watched his daughter and wife play on the slides. Once he got to the toy store, he bought the biggest stuffed bear he could find. It barely fit in the car seat he also purchased. He drove home and often looked into his rearview mirror at the bear smiling back at him.
“So how was your day at school?”
The bear didn’t answer.
“Really? You learned how to spell your name? I am so proud of you Sapphire. I love you so much.”
He turned to the empty seat next to him.
“I love you too, Samantha. I am so happy I found you. I don’t know what I would have done otherwise. You’re the perfect woman for me.”
He turned back to watch the road.
“Don’t want to get into any accidents. That wouldn’t be good.”
He turned into the driveway of his house. He grabbed his bags and carefully held the bear by one of its arms as he walked it to the front door.
“Just stand there while daddy gets his keys.”
He set the bear on the couch and turned on some cartoons.
“Just sit there and watch some television. Daddy has some work to do.” Miles looked to his right. “Samantha, why don’t you read one of your novels? I’ll take care of everything from here.”
He looked outside and noticed it was getting late. The sun had gone down.
“Actually, I think its bed time for a certain young lady.” He walked the bear up the stairs and put it on his bed. “You can sleep here for now if you want. You do? Ok. Love you!” He went down to the kitchen and put the bags he’d been carrying onto the table. He opened them and pulled out the supplies he had purchased. He also pulled out a paperback-sized wooden box and a plastic box filled with bullets from the pawn shop bag. He got up and threw all the empty bags into the garbage and sat back down. He carefully opened the wooden box to reveal an old revolver resting in velvet. Miles pulled out the gun and placed it on the table. He opened the paints and grabbed a brush and began painting on the handle of the gun. He finished the blue flowers and set the gun aside to dry.
He opened the packages for the ink, paper, and quill and began to write. He wrote for two hours before he finally signed his name and put down the quill. His hands were hurting, but he felt it was worth it. He touched the paint on the gun and found that it had dried. He slowly loaded the gun with bullets and then put it back in its box. He cleaned up his mess and folded the papers. He picked up the sealing wax he bought and lit the end of it. Crimson drops fell on the opening of the fold on the papers. He blew out the wick on the wax and pressed his wedding ring to the wax. It burnt his finger, but he kept pressing. When he lifted his hand away from the paper, there was a wide horizontal line going across the wax where his ring had been. A few pieces of finger hair stuck in the wax.
Miles grabbed some ice for his finger from the freezer and sat down in the living room. Cartoons were still playing on the television, so he turned it off. He looked over at the chair Samantha always read her novels in and smiled.
“Are you going to be long?”
“Good. I’ll see you in bed in an hour or so then?”
“Ok. Love you.”
Miles walked back up the stairs and into his bedroom.
“Seems we have the room to ourselves for an hour, so I think I’ll lay down with you in a bit. Mommy will put you in bed when she comes up. Are you thirsty?”
The bear still didn’t answer.
“Ok. I’ll get you something.”
He went back downstairs to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of milk for Sapphire. He looked at the box on the table and picked it up. He walked back upstairs and placed the glass of milk on the table next to the bear.
“There you go. Daddy’s going to get some sleep now, ok?”
He sat on the bed, opened the box, pulled out the gun, and put the box on the table next to him. He fell back against the pillow, turned on his side, and with a smile on his face, put the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger.
“Hello?!”
Julie opened the front door all the way wondering why it hadn’t been locked. The first thing she noticed was the smell. It smelled cleaner than it had since Samantha died. She looked around and noticed the dust was all gone. The floors had also been vacuumed.
“Poor guy. He probably went nuts here alone and cleaned the place. I better go find him,” she said to herself.
She checked the garage first since the only time he didn’t answer the door was when he was working on some project in there. She noticed the minivan and got really confused. She quickly started looking through the first floor. Everything was clean, however, there were some folded papers on the kitchen table.
“Sealing wax? Has he gone back to the dark ages?”
She didn’t want to open the papers since they were sealed and she didn’t know what they were for, so she put them in her jacket pocket. She ran upstairs and noticed the smell was different. She opened the door to his bedroom and screamed.
“It was a clean shot into his brain, Ms. Graylin,” said the coroner. “He died instantly.”
“I should never have left him alone in the state he was in.” Julie put her face in her hands and cried even more tears.
“Some people just make choices. You couldn’t have known what choice he would make.”
“But I should have. He was my best friend.”
Julie left the building and got into her car. She remembered the papers and pulled them out of her pocket. She broke the seal on them and opened them slowly. She had never seen such beautiful handwriting. Miles was not one to have good handwriting. This was his, but improved.
Dear Julie,
I know you’re going to be the one to read this. I decided to take a long nap with my daughter and wife. They mean so much to me. You should have seen them when they were playing in the park. Both of their eyes were sparkling in the sunlight. Their hair flowed behind them as they ran. It was such a beautiful sight.
I don’t know what I would do without them. Sapphire has learned so many new things in the past few months. She’s quite the smart one. She’s even learned to spell her name. You should have seen the look on her face when she got it right in the van. She smiled a big smile when I told her I was proud of her.
Samantha was smiling too. Those big beautiful eyes of hers grabbed at my very soul. I truly do not know what I would do without them.
Please make sure to keep gas in the van if you decide to borrow it while we’re sleeping. Don’t worry. I’ll see you at Gerald’s soon enough. We’ll have coffee and talk more about Sapphire. She’s growing up so fast.
Oh. I left a little something for you. It’s on the next page. I figured I wouldn’t need any of my money and stuff while I was sleeping, and you’re my closest friend.
Until then,
Miles
Julie flipped to the next page. It was a will. It left all of his money, house, car, and other belongings to Julie Graylin. Julie smiled. She put the car in gear and drove back to her house. She pulled into her garage next to a Chevy truck with a big dent in the front grill. She walked into her kitchen and placed the papers next to the phone. She picked up a bottle next to the phone and put it away in the cabinet.
“Guess I won’t be putting anymore of this in his coffee,” she said to herself.
She picked up her phone and called her lawyer so they could get started on the estate.
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