This blog used to have a lot of dieting posts on it and then I lost 100 pounds, got depressed and gained back 130 pounds. I'm in the process of getting back in shape again. But at the age of 45, it's much tougher than it was when I was in my 30s.

The January Change

Recently, I changed my eating habits. January 3rd, I went from being bad about eating to eating 150 carbs per day, 3 meals, and fasting for 16 hours. So I'd eat breakfast at 11am, then lunch at 2pm, and finally dinner at 6 pm. For those of you who already know the intermittent fasting concept, you'll notice that I actually did 17 hours of fasting because eating is when you start eating, not when you finish. So that's a 7 hour window of eating and 17 hours of fasting. For more info on intermittent fasting, see this video:

As for the food I eat, I eat 4 scrambled eggs for breakfast (practically no carbs), 2 sandwiches and a side for lunch (around 60-70 carbs), and whatever we have for dinner, but limited to 60-70 grams of carbs.

For fluids, I drink 64oz of green tea sweetened with 1/8th teaspoon of Stevia powder.

The February Change

But all of that changes again on Monday. Not a tremendous difference, but enough to cause real change. See, I've hit a plateau with my weight. I'm stuck at 347-349lbs. I was 362 when I started on January 3rd, so I've lost some weight. I also do some small weight lifting (working into larger weights) and have gained muscle, but I want to burn this fat off. So here are the changes I will start on Monday:

• I'm combining breakfast and lunch. I'll be having the scrambled eggs as sandwiches with a banana on the side. Eggs are nature's perfect food, basically. And I need a bit more potassium in my diet for many reasons.
• I'm adding a tablespoon of nutritional yeast to my scrambled eggs. They are VERY high in the different vitamin Bs and are easier for your system to absorb than a pill. The vitamin Bs are very important for metabolism and quite a few other things and I don't get nearly enough.
• I'll be eating at 1pm for breakfast and 6pm for dinner. So that takes me to 19 hours of fasting and a 5 hour window. See the above video for why.
• I'm adding 2 tablespoons of apple cidar vinegar to my green tea. Apple cidar vinegar is great for many things. It helps clean up bad proteins, clears up issues caused by a high alkaline body, etc. I've used it in the past to combat tooth infections and it worked amazingly. So I figured it's about time to put it back in my diet.
• I am also going to work towards waking up a bit earlier and getting some exercise in during the later hours of the fast versus after eating like I've been doing. It's always better to exercise in the morning, and currently I wake up about 15 minutes before work, since I work from home. I need to break that habit.

Conclusion

Those are the main changes. I'm hoping this helps me with the plateau I'm on. Once I'm used to it, in a couple of weeks, I'm going to make another change and move my eating time to 2pm, which will put me at 20 hours of fasting and 4 hours for an eating window. That should be the optimum to get the weight off. We shall see how it goes and find out if the intermittent fasting concept really works. It has so far as I've dropped from a fasting blood sugar of around 300 to around a 110 and have managed to stop taking insulin and I've lost 15 pounds in about a month.

If you'd like to keep up with how I'm doing, I post my weight and blood sugar levels on Twitter on a regular basis.

Hopefully this post has given you some ideas if you're struggling with blood sugar and weight issues like I am, but before you make any major changes like this, please consult your doctor. I have let mine know everything I'm doing every step of the way and we're keeping an eye on my blood work.

I recently did something that felt weird. I posted a tweet that said “You are beautiful!” I didn’t target it to anyone. I just let it fly, and considering my tweets get “automagically” posted in other places, it went all over.

Why do I say it felt weird? Because it’s a very odd feeling to say that to perfect strangers. I knew it was going to be read by people who didn’t know me. I knew it might be an odd experience for them. But the thing is, although it was a weird experience, it felt good!

Everyone who responded loved it. And so I did it a second time and it felt just as good.

So why this post? Why is this post going to get shared all over Twitter very soon? Because I think people need to tell others how amazing they are. The world is full of hate, especially the anonymous Internet. This is a simple way to tell others how amazing they are, make them smile, and add a little joy to their lives.

So this is what I want you to do: Tweet out the title of this post. I’m making it easy for you to do below. And I’m serving up two flavors: one with a link to this post and one without so you can choose.

With a link to this post:

You are an amazing human being! #yaaahb http://saph.link/yaaahb

Tweet This

Without a link to this post:

You are an amazing human being! #yaaahb

Tweet This

And you don’t have to make it to everyone either. Feel free to tell even a single person how much of an amazing human being they are:

My mentor and friend, @purplementat, is such an awesome person! He knows why. I just wanted to say it out loud. #yaaahb

— Saphrym (@Saphrym) February 4, 2016

Just add the #yaaahb tag so we know how far the message is reaching. Here’s an easy way for you to do so:

YOUR MESSAGE HERE #yaaahb

Tweet This

Here’s an image you can use anywhere. Feel free to edit it any way you want or even make your own:

Pass on the message. Make a stranger’s day. Let everyone know they are amazing human beings!

Check this link to see far the message is spreading: Twitter Search for #yaaahb

My style of writing is a bane to college professors everywhere. I normally end up with lower grades because of it, but I don’t really mind. It’s the way I write and I like writing this way. See, my mind works a little different than some people. I write better than I speak. When talking, I forget words.

For example, one day I had to look at my wife and say,
“You know the word. It’s got pages and you read it.”
“That’d be a book, dear.”
“Right. Book.”

However, when I’m typing, words flow out of me that I sometimes didn’t even know I knew. It’s funny, but I “overthink” when I speak, instead of when I write.

When I write, I just let the words flow and put down the ideas as fast as I possibly can. I don’t take many pauses and I don’t do much editing like people would say needs to be done. I fix spelling mistakes and such as I find them because I tend to type in a dyslexic manner, but otherwise I let the language stay natural. I also tend to put my thoughts in wherever they may show up. One example would be the quick dialogue I put in the middle of my explanation in the previous section. Another would be (and this happens often with me sometimes) when I put things in parentheses right in the middle of my sentences. Those are the “asides” that my brain may branch off to while I’m typing. I don’t think about it, I just put them there. I think it feels more “natural” to do so.

Sometimes I also put words in a visual manner to make the pauses and necessary inflections. For example, I could type, “That was incredible!” or, I could type “That was in-cred-i-ble!” There is emphasis on the different syllables in the word and the reader tends to read it that way with the dashes. I like to make the words look the way they sound in my head. My creative writing professors have always loved that style. Grammar professors, not so much.1

So, as an exercise, as you comment on this post, type exactly what you’re thinking. It makes it feel more like a conversation instead of a “formal typing experience” which sounds much less fun.

1. For example, that was not a complete sentence just then, but you got the point, and probably grinned just like I did when I thought it and typed it. [↩]

Five bucks? Yep. Five bucks. Here is what I’m proposing that has worked well for me in the past when it comes to deciding what entertainment to buy:

1. When purchasing entertainment, determine how many hours of fun you’ll get out of that particular entertainment.
2. Multiply that number of hours by five bucks.
3. Determine if the cost of the entertainment is below that amount. If so, purchase it. If not, consider it more carefully or just walk away.

For instance, when I want to purchase a video game, I decide about how many hours will be played. I don’t mean how many hours the game says it has. I mean how many hours will definitely be played1. An example would be the more recent Elder Scrolls: Skyrim. Over the years, I’ve loved open-world games and have played many hours in each. So I figured, at the least, I’d spend 20 hours in the game. 20 times five bucks is $100. Was the price of $60.00 worth it? Yes, although I got it for free as a gift.

Another example would be a board game. Let’s consider Cranium. It costs around $30. I figure my family and I will play at least three hours of it2. Now here is where it gets a little different. My family consists of four people who regularly game together. Four times three hours is 12 hours. Five bucks an hour would be $60. Is $30 worth it? Yes. I count the total hours of fun had by each person.

I even used this method for considering my Xbox 360 purchase a couple of years ago. My daughter and I would definitely play it. We would get at least 50 hours a piece with all the future game purchases, video watching, etc. That is 100 hours times five bucks. I paid much less than $500, so it was definitely worth it. If you have deeper pockets, feel free to up the amount.

What do you think of this idea? Do you have your own method of determining entertainment purchases? Feel free to share in the comments.

1. It’s common for me to quit a game before ever finishing it. [↩]
2. possibly much more [↩]

“Huh? Read to write?”

Well, yeah. Here are five simple facts about how reading makes your writing better:

1. Reading increases your vocabulary. That should speak for itself. But if it doesn’t, let me explain. If you increase your vocabulary you can begin to sound like all of those other authors that seem to write with a thesaurus in hand. But that just sounds pompous and arrogant, right? Yes. It can. But when done right, what it does is adds a little flavor to your work. You might also want to pay particular attention to the metaphors used in their writing. Those things can work wonders.
2. Reading allows you to see how the published guys do it. They’re doing something right. What better way to learn from them than reading what they write? I mentioned the metaphors. But what about all the other little tricks you might learn while reading? There’s the rule of “three.” There’s the correct placement of alliteration and what it can do for your words. There are tons of things to learn from other authors.
3. Reading sparks ideas. Heck, I was sitting here reading “The Law of Nines” by Terry Goodkind and it sparked the idea to write this post. I was wanting a topic and while I was reading, I noticed a really good metaphor in the book. That made me think of how reading has improved my writing and made me decide to share with you guys.
4. Reading improves your grammar. You read it when it is right1 and it sticks. Repetition of anything, also known as practice, helps you get better at just about anything. The problem is how do you repeat something like grammar and know you’re getting it right? You read. You read published books that have already been checked by editors. Sure, they sometimes miss stuff, but it’s a decent education that is much more fun than some of the grammar books out there. Of course, those serve their purposes also, but reading a good fiction novel trumps them in many ways.
5. Finally, reading reminds you of what made you want to write to begin with. The love of writing cannot exist unless you’ve read something and enjoyed it. When you first heard “The Cat in the Hat,” you either loved it or hated it, but you couldn’t hate the melody of those words. When you read that first novel that had you gripped form the beginning to the end, you have to remember how exhilarating it was being in the minds of those characters2. Reading shows us what made us fall in love with writing. And it makes us want to write even more.

There you go. 5 great reasons to read if you want to get better at writing. Can you think of anymore? Let me know in the comments.

1. as long as the editors did their job [↩]
2. something television is not so good at [↩]

OK, so here it goes, I’m going to give you one of the biggest tips you could ever have for writing: Commit. Commit the pen to paper. Commit your fingers to the keys. No matter what your writing preference, commit to writing. There are quite a few ways of doing this:

• Give yourself a schedule for your writing projects. Write a blog post every day or week. Write an essay every week. Write a short story every month.
• Be held accountable. Tell your audience when you will write. Tell your significant other when you will write.
• And here’s one I’m doing this year: NaNoWriMo
• NEW: Write a blog post every week. Project 52.

With National Novel Writing Month, you basically sign up to say, “I’m going to write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November.” And here’s the great part: It doesn’t matter if it’s good or not. It’s just about the writing. Of course, you can always edit it afterwards and maybe turn it into a best seller, but November is about getting words on paper.

Sorry I’m a little late mentioning this one, as it started yesterday, but you can still sign up. You’ll just have to write a few more words each day.

As to the original concept behind this post, commit, it’s a very simple tip. If you want to get better at writing, you have to write more. If you want your writing to get noticed, you have to write more. If you want more ideas, you have to write more. Commit to writing and writing will commit to you.

Topics. That’s right. I said topics. Topics. Topics. Topics. Topics. Topics. Topics. Topics. Topics.

I know. I’m spamming my own post with the word “topics.” No, I’m not trying to get rated highly in the Google search engines for the word “topics.” I’m just trying to make a point about “topics.”

I’m one of those people who can write just about anything as long as I have a topic. I can research topics if I don’t know anything about them. If I do know about them, I’ll write about them without as much research. Either way, they normally get written quickly. It’s just the way I am. But here’s my problem:

“Topics.”

I know. I used that word again. But to write about something, you must have a topic in mind. I can sit there and think for hours and never come up with a topic. So the rest of this post is dedicated to the top 5 ways I know of finding good topics.

1. Read. Read the news. Read other blogs. Let those topics start creating themselves in your brain as you look around. Don’t steal ideas of course. But feel free to use what you read as a jumping off point to start your own discussion. Here’s a few different things you can read for ideas:
   • Novels
   • Newspapers
   • News Websites
   • Blogs

   You get the idea.

2. Watch. Again. Feel free to watch movies and television shows and write what you think about them. Let them kick start your mind. Movie reviews are a great way to share your opinions. Maybe the nightly news sparked an idea for a topic.
3. Speak. Have a conversation with your friends. During that conversation, topics are bound to come up. Kind of hard to have a conversation without topics. Use those topics in your writing. Feel free to quote your friends.1
4. Listen. Television and books aren’t the only media out there. Listen to your favorite radio shows. Even listening to music, especially lyrics, can help you come up with a topic.
5. Ask. This one is not as obvious, but it gives great results. For example, I asked at some forums for some topic ideas and got plenty. I’ve already written quite a few posts using those sources. Asking has got to be one of the best methods of coming up with topics I’ve ever used. Why? Because a lot of people already read your words. They have preferences of what they want to read from you. So let them tell you those preferences.

Ok. So you now have topics. Or do you? See, the important thing to do is get those ideas for topics on “paper.”2 Grab pen and paper, PDA, or handheld digital/tape recorder and start keeping track of all of those ideas. Then use them. No use in having topics to write about if you’re not going to write about them, right?3

Hope this helps you guys who seem to get stuck with “writer’s block.” Don’t forget: Topics.

Do you have any other methods of finding topics that you use? Feel free to share in the comments. Would love to hear them. Even specific shows, newspapers, etc. would be great to list.

1. Make sure to give credit where it’s due though. [↩]
2. I put “paper” in quotes because there are many electronic ways of doing so. For instance I use an iPhone and the Evernote application. [↩]
3. Catch the alliteration? [↩]

I’m not the perfect husband. Nobody can be. It just doesn’t happen. Why do I mention this? Because I am one of those guys that “hears all, sees all, but doesn’t know anything.”1. What I mean is, I listen to people, but I stay out of stuff and never repeat things. This tends to let me hear all kinds of stuff as people tend to vent to me because they know they are safe doing so. After years of this, I have come to a sad conclusion: Husbands suck.

To explain what I mean, I’ll go through a few “A real husband…” statements2. I don’t know how many I’ll do, but hopefully you’ll get my point. In the comments, feel free to add more. So without further ado…

A real husband…

• … does not use his wife as a punching bag. And I mean this in every metaphorical way also. No hitting your wife. No screaming at your wife. No abuse of your wife in any way. It’s wrong. Pure and simple.
• … takes the headset out of his ear and listens to his wife instead. Phone conversations are a necessary part of today’s world. But communication in a marriage is extremely important.
• … buys feminine products at the drug store without whining about it. They also know which products to buy.
• … carries his wife’s purse when she needs him to.
• … holds his wife’s hair when she’s puking in the toilet. He also gets a wash cloth and wipes her face for her.
• … doesn’t complain about the money spent on a woman’s hair unless a) he actually notices the new hair and b) he learns to do it himself for her. If you’ve never done your wife’s hair3, then you’ve never experienced a truly personal experience.
• … learns more about his wife than he knows about sports.
• … puts down the game controller and does the dishes and laundry every once in a while.
• … doesn’t get upset if his wife makes more money than he does.
• … compromises and shares with his wife.
• … trusts his wife and makes darn sure he is trustworthy. Without trust, there is no relationship.
• … actually thinks before buying a gift for his wife. May even do handmade gifts that have had tons of thought put into them.

Now, to be fair to the husbands who do these things, I have to say this:

A real wife does not get spoiled or take advantage of their husband when they do things like this for them.4

So, does anyone have any others they’d like to add? Maybe the guys out there feel left out and want to do some “A real wife…” comments. Feel free to reply and add as many as you’d like.

1. Actually, I normally say that differently, but the wording doesn’t matter as much as the sentiment [↩]
2. This is also good advice for boyfriends [↩]
3. or your husband’s [↩]
4. That’s right ladies. Don’t give your husband a reason to regret being a real husband. [↩]

Ever watched ants? They’re very interesting little insects. If you put a sugar cube a distance from their nest, one of them will go and find it. Then it’ll go back and tell the others, and then they’ll all swarm all over that sugar and take it back to the colony. It’s a very concerted effort, and it’s amazing to watch. However, they are ants. This kind of thing is their job. As a blogger, swarming for the same sugar cube is not your job.

Recently, WordPress 2.8 came out. Almost immediately, there were over 100 posts, if not more, announcing the release. When a popular blogger ad service changed their pricing system, the same thing happened. Those little nuggets of news were the sugar cubes and the bloggers rushed all over it. It’s great that you want people to know these things. It really is. But, and I’ll try and ask this as nicely as possible, don’t you think the people who read your blog that actually care about that information… don’t you think… they already know?! Heck, I got that neat little yellow stripe in my WordPress dashboard telling me to update. My price changed dramatically and the blog and forums told me all about it.

You want to know which blogs I read every day? The ones with original content. The ones that make me laugh1. The ones that make me have some form of emotions. The ones that tell me something I didn’t already know. If CNN already said it on their front page, it’s likely you don’t need to say it on yours.

Don’t get me wrong. When a celebrity dies and you want to pay tribute to them, that’s perfectly ok. If you want to do an opinion post on the latest headlines, I’ll be happy to read it. But if I see one more post that basically repeats what the news has been saying all day, I think I’ll… well… nothing too drastic… I’ll just stop reading that blog.

Now, see, snowflakes are awesome. Each and every one is different from all of the others in some way. That’s what you should be. In some small or big way, your posts need to be different than all the others. For example, if your blog is about WordPress and 2.8 has just launched, don’t tell me that it just launched, instead, tell me about the obscure new feature and the original way in which you managed to use it. Or another example, if the news announces that the world is about to be forced to go vegan, don’t tell me about the obvious stuff like food, tell me about the vegan shoes. That would be original, especially if you posted pictures of yourself standing on top of the bookshelf at the local library with a pair of them on.2

Don’t be an ant. Be a snowflake… wearing vegan shoes and eating spaghetti with a spoon. Oh, and blogging about something original, which was the point of this post to begin with.

1. and not because they copied some comic strip from some other site [↩]
2. No, I’m not trying to tell you that standing on top of a shelf at the local library is a good thing. I wouldn’t recommend it. I’m serious. Unless you’re changin’ a frickin’ lightbulb and have permission to do so, don’t go standing on the shelves at the library. [↩]

I remember when the only thing I had to worry about was whether the other kids liked me or not and whether I had acne that day or not. Yes. They were odd years. Being a teenager is tough. But ignorance is also bliss. There are so many things I didn’t know then and sometimes wish I could unlearn. Of course, today is different for teenagers. With so many “anti-something” groups, there’s always some controversy about something.

Even today’s teenagers have to figure out whether they want to eat organic or not organic food. Or whether they should have regular beef or the torture free variety. As I recall, the beginning college years is when all of those choices become “important” to us. This brings us to my point. There are so many “yes” or “no” choices out there that people have really made it impossible to like each other:

• “Oh my. You were such a nice person but then I found out you don’t care if your beef is tortured or not.”
• “I love you. But you’re a Democrat. I can’t love a Democrat. Goodbye.”
• “You’re Southern Baptist. I’m Free Will Baptist. It just wouldn’t work.”
• “Your mom worked for the steel mill. I can’t stand feminists. We can’t be friends anymore.”
• “Wait. You’re from Texas!? I can’t be seen with you.”

“But Mike. Those are absurd. I’d never be like that.”

Really? Are you sure. Have you ever seen someone with a tattoo and immediately decided they were “bad news”? Or maybe someone with a Mohawk haircut walks by and you get freaked out? Or maybe you read my “taboo” post and decided you didn’t like me? These are only examples, but you should get the point.

The problem is people don’t have tolerance anymore. According to Merriam-Webster, a definition of “tolerance” is:

2 a: sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one’s own

What’s wrong with other people’s beliefs? Do they affect you? Is the fact that someone somewhere believes in reincarnation going to affect your own beliefs of what happens after you die? Tolerance is necessary to become an informed individual. I know. I know. I said there are things I wish I could unlearn. But that was a fib. I like knowing things. I think knowing things is important. How can you truly say that you don’t agree with someone else’s beliefs if you don’t even know or understand those beliefs? Isn’t it possible that your beliefs and theirs are more alike than you may think?

I’ll give a quick religious example:

1. The Hindu religion is based on reincarnation. A quick way of saying it is that if your soul has not learned everything it needs to learn it is sent back in another physical form to learn more. Once your soul is fully knowledgeable, it goes to live with God.
2. The Christian religions believe there is a hell that people who are non-believers go to when they die. Hell is a place of suffering. They also believe there is a Heaven where people who believe go when they die. There is no suffering there.

With those two concepts in mind, wouldn’t coming back to live on Earth be a form of suffering? And if you’re always a non-believer and never learn enough to believe1, would you not suffer for eternity in a physical body on Earth? Couldn’t hell be what we experience in our physical bodies? And then when we believe, we go to Heaven?

I’m not expressing my own beliefs here. I’m playing the “what if” game. But there is a possibility that those things could be true. I think it scares people to think that their beliefs may be “wrong” and it makes them go nuts when someone challenges them. But, again, “what if” there’s no such thing as a right or wrong answer?

I’m not saying I’m right. What I am saying is I’m giving you something to think about. Have a mature debate with your friends about it. Listen to what they say. Listening is a really good skill to use to gain knowledge. Speaking of listening, the next time you see a tattooed guy with a Mohawk, try asking him what he believes. He may surprise you.

1. in any of your lives [↩]

I took a memorization course because of the grocery store I worked at when I was much younger. It taught how to memorize lists of items by creating images of the numbers and attaching them to images of the items within the list. You can memorize a list of 10 things with the information I’m providing.

The way it works is first you need to have the basic number images memorized. You will always use the same images to represent those numbers. The reason why the images listed below were chosen is because they look like or represent the numbers really well. So make sure to have the first list in your mind to begin with. Once you have them, you have them for good. I haven’t used them much in the last few years, yet I was still able to easily recall them for this post.

Here are the images for the numbers:

1 – A candle. Have it burn whatever the item is.
2 – A swan1. Have it biting the item.
3 – A sideways W. Have it act like a handle on the item.
4 – A sailboat. Have the item balancing on the mast2
5 – A hand3. Have it grabbing the item.
6 – Golf club. Hit the item with it.
7 – A garden hoe. Have it chopping the item.
8 – Two links of a chain. Have the item going into and out of the links over and over.
9 – A balloon on a stick. Have the item pop the balloon.
10 – A martini4. Stir the martini with the item.5

Now, in your mind, imagine those pictures for the numbers interacting with the items you’re trying to memorize. Here is an example list that you might try to memorize for this “lesson”6:

1. Tire – The candle burns the tire. Could even mention the burning rubber.7
2. A book – The swan has taken a bite out of the book and is chewing it.
3. Pencils – The W is attached to the side of the pencil. But now there’s more pencils. You now have a suitcase made of pencils.
4. A computer – The computer is plugged into a socket in the sky and is balancing on the mast. It falls over and shorts out in the water.
5. A mountain – Your hand is holding the mountain. You must be a giant.
6. A water melon – The golf club hits the melon and gets embedded into it. Now you could hit a soccer ball with that club.
7. Homework – Chop up those papers like you mean it!
8. Phone – The phone has sprouted legs and is running through the links of the chain.
9. A spoon – Actually it’s now a spork so it has pointy tips and you pop the balloon with it.
10. A broom – Must be a really large martini if it requires a broom to stir it.

Now close your eyes and try and list the items in your mind. You’ll find that you remember this entire list. Not only that, but if you get someone to call out random numbers, you should be able to tell them the specific item for that number. And finally, get them to call out about 5 or 6 items/numbers, and you’ll not only be able to tell them the item or number that goes with it, but also the items and numbers they did not call from the list.

Try coming up with your own lists. Give your brain time to “forget” between lists though or you’ll end up getting them confused. Oh, and for this to be useful, you might want to make up useful lists. Works great for short shopping lists.

1. looks like one [↩]
2. the weirder, the easier to remember. [↩]
3. five fingers [↩]
4. toothpick and olive [↩]
5. Since coffee is popular, you could also try making this the overhead view of a cup of coffee and a straw. The stirring still fits. [↩]
6. make sure to picture each of these in your mind as you read them [↩]
7. Smells are easy to remember. [↩]

You may have heard the same thing about Kindergarten, but blogging can teach you many things also. Here is how Robert Fulghum’s “All I Really Need to Know I learned from Kindergarten”1 applies to bloggers and things I’ve learned while blogging:

• Share everything.
  As bloggers, this is something we should do. Seriously. Stumble, Digg, etc. Those are ways of sharing the great posts you come across on other blogs, right? Or even sharing your own post if it’s something you truly believe in.
• Play fair.
  There are tons of sites out there that do “black hat” stuff. Well, guess what? Your readers aren’t as stupid as you may believe they are anymore. Most people are becoming cynics. In a way, that’s bad. But in another way it’s also good because people do research and think before they fall for scams nowadays.
• Don’t hit people.
  Another term for this could be “Don’t flame people.” Don’t go to other blogs and start yelling at people. That’s just wrong.
• Put things back where you found them.
  Be organized in your blogging life. Make a schedule so you don’t feel overworked. Keep your notes all in one place. Do whatever it takes so you’re not stressing out over what to do next. To-do lists are your friends.
• Clean up your own mess.
  I don’t think this one really needs a description, but basically, own up to your mistakes.
• Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
  Ever found your blog post reprinted elsewhere without any kind of credit to you? That’s where it fits. If you use someone else’s material, ask first and give them credit. Normally it’s better to just put a link. That’ll make them happy and might gain you a loyal reader.
• Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody.
  This one relates to a few above, but if you do make a mistake or flame someone, tell them you’re sorry and, here’s the kicker, mean it.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
  That also goes for washing your brain before you make a post. Think first. If you’re mad, clear your head and think first.
• Flush.
  If it’s a bad post but took you a long time to create it, don’t be scared to scrap it.
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
  It’s good to do something for yourself every once in a while. Take a break from blogging if you need to. Or as I’ve learned in dieting, treat yourself when you’ve followed your diet. It actually does shock the body into causing you to lose even more weight. Sounds silly, but it’s true.
• Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
  This one is fine just like it is.
• Take a nap every afternoon.
  This goes along with the milk and cookies. Take a break. Enjoy life. Then blog about it.
• When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
  Make friends with other bloggers. It’ll benefit both of you.
• Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
  There’s wonder found everywhere in the blogging world too. It’s easy to stumble upon jewels and see new things happening every day. Ever made a post that got huge traffic but you couldn’t recreate it on purpose?
• Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup – they all die. So do we.
  So do blogs and ideas for posts. Sometimes there’s just an end to things.
• And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned – the biggest word of all – LOOK.
  READ too.

1. The quotes from Robert Fulghum’s book are Copyrighted © Robert Fulghum and reprinted with permission. [↩]

You’ve probably heard this a thousand times, but the key to being a good spouse AND a good parent is communication.

In a marriage, communication is important for the obvious reasons. When making decisions that effect the family, communication is needed with the family and especially between spouses. Compromise, as I mentioned before, can only be done with communication. I could preach communication all day, but I know you guys have heard it all before.

What about with parenting? Well, yes, commercials tell you over and over that it’s important to talk to your child about drugs and that it’s important to know about your child’s friends, which is accomplished by communication. So again, you’ve heard it all before.

However, I’m going to present an example of communication to you that you may not have heard before, and this one is important for parents. When my daughter was less than 2-years-old, she asked me that very cliche question of why the sky is blue. I proceeded to explain:

“Gas in the sky lets light through. However, some light, such as blue light, gets absorbed by the gas and scattered. So it’s coming from every direction. Since blue is all over the place, that’s why the sky looks blue on a cloudless day.”

My mother-in-law looked at me like I was stupid.

“How can you expect her to understand that?” she asked.

“I don’t expect her to understand it. Yet,” I responded.

About a week ago my daughter was on the phone with one of her cousins. He asked her why the sky was blue. Remember, she’s 7 right now. We haven’t had this discussion since she was less than 2. Here’s what she said:

“My daddy says that there’s stuff in the sky that bounces the light all over the place. Blue light gets bounced more so you see it more.”

I smiled of course.

So my point is that you should NEVER talk to your child like he/she is a child. Always give your full knowledge. They soak it in like a sponge. Which means it’s also ok to start early with the drug discussions. Don’t put it off because “he won’t understand that right now.” Maybe not, but later they’ll remember and they WILL understand.

I’ve been “looking for love” since I was 8-years-old. Don’t believe me? When my mom passed away I found the following poem I wrote when I was 8-years-old still in her wallet: Love is…

See? Told you. So throughout my searching, I always tried to conform to what the girl I liked wanted me to be. “Lose a couple of pounds and I’ll be your girlfriend.” That was an odd one now that I think about it. But throughout my relationships I always put the woman on a pedestal and believed that I had to do and bee exactly what they wanted or else I wasn’t good enough for them. Guess what. That’s a lie. Don’t tell yourself that lie.

See, for a true relationship to form, you have to be accepting of the other person, and1 they have to accept you for who you are. When I met my wife it was right after I had given up. I had just come out of a bad relationship, like all my other ones, and I told myself not to even bother. If someone didn’t like me, so what. I stopped looking for love at that point. I just decided to start being myself and having fun. Then I met my wife and we’ve been together for over 11 years. We’ve accepted each other for everything that we are and love each other for it.

That’s a true relationship. If you’re trying to be something you’re not, you’re lying to your significant other in a way that will only hurt you and may hurt them.2

1. the important part [↩]
2. I say “may” based on experience. [↩]

What is the secret to a good marriage? I’ll tell you. Now, before I do, let me give you some background. I’ve been married since July 13th, 1996. My wife and I had a few things going against us. We married young1. We had only met in November of 1995 and gotten engaged in December of 1995. Some of her family, some of my family, and some of our friends just didn’t agree with the marriage. However, we’ve now been married for over 13 years. I know it’s not 50 years, but in this day and age, 13 is a long time for a couple to stay married, especially under the circumstances.

There is one major secret2 to staying married that long. The secret is compromise. “What?! Compromise?! That’s all you have for me after this big long introduction!?” Well, yeah. That’s the secret. But let me explain with some examples:

• Stealing the covers – Couples sometimes complain about the other always stealing their covers. My wife and I use separate covers. this also helps with the temperature issue because she can cover up in a blanket or two and I’ll just cover in a sheet.
• Where/What to eat? – Some couples argue over where they are going to eat. We either take turns picking places or we pick places that have something that both of us will enjoy. I know it sounds simple, but I’ve seen many arguments over this exact thing from other couples. As for what to eat at home, I really like my pizza. She doesn’t like having the same thing over and over. So we make separate pizzas. She sometimes has beef and cheese and sometimes has spinach and artichokes. She’s tried many different things. I stick with my beef and cheese. We have two different tastes as most people do, but we never argue over food.
• What to watch on television? – We have a digital video recorder3. It records the shows we both like and the great thing is it’s a dual tuner, meaning it can record two different shows at the same time. She watches “her” shows when she has free time. I watch “my” shows when I have free time. We watch “our” shows when we want to hang out and watch television.
• The toilet seat – You know, I’ve tried this argument before: “If guys should put the seat down for women, then women should put the seat up for men.” It didn’t work. I’m outnumbered anyway. Guys, put the seat down so you don’t have to hear it. If you put the seat down, she won’t yell at you about the seat anymore. That’s a good compromise in my opinion.

Seriously, I know these seem like small things. But we also compromise when it comes to major decisions about the family and our daughter. We work things out together and talk about stuff until we can agree on a feasible solution to problems. In our over 13 years of marriage, we have never once had an argument. We’ve always talked things out. And although those are small things I mention as examples, remember that small things add up. Be willing to compromise with the little stuff and anger just won’t build up for the big stuff.

1. She was 19 and I was 21 [↩]
2. along with many others I’ll share with you over time [↩]
3. like a TiVo [↩]