I’ve Got a Product Just For You!

“When I was walking the other day I found out I could chew gum at the same time!”


And you know what? You can too!

The lawyers make me say this: Your own success is guaranteed only by the way in which you utilize this product. If you don’t use it properly, I claim no responsibility. Sorry. That’s just the way it is. Now on to the good stuff:

Hi. My name is Michael White. Let me ask you some questions:

Do you ever feel you are the butt of a joke?
Do you ever wonder how come you’re just standing there with your keys in your hand for hours on end?
Do you get stumped by simple questions like these?
Have you ever spent money on something that was truly worthless?
Have you fallen for a simple scam?

No matter how young or old you may be, I have found the perfect solution to all of your problems! That’s right! I said it! The perfect solution!

Thinking from the first day!

My product is so powerful, it’ll have you thinking from the moment you purchase it. You’ll never know how you got along without it! See, one day it just came to me. “What is it that people I’ve met in my daily life are missing? What is it that they yearn for day and night?” So I got out a pen and a sheet of paper and made a quick sketch. I’m not going to show you that sketch because I’m not much of an artist. It was a sketch of a “puppy cat” anyway and I was on the wrong track. After that sketch I started writing on the same sheet of paper. Mostly scribbles. But then it really came to me! I knew exactly what people were missing. Before going any further, here are some testimonials. I didn’t pay these people anything. I swear:

Michael’s product has been heaven sent. I just don’t understand why I never thought of this before. What he’s charging is a drop in the bucket of what it is worth! – Brianna Trackle, Dayton, OH

Oh my goodness! Where do I start with such a wonderful product? I just can’t get over the fact that he even came up with this product! I only wish he would have sold it sooner. So many things would be different in my life. – Brianna Trackle, Dayton, OH

Michael. Why do you keep asking me about your product over and over? – Brianna Trackle, Dayton, OH

Ok, so now that I know I have you hooked into buying my product, I guess it’s time to tell you what it is:

My product is called a “Big Round Articulated INterlobe” or B.R.A.IN for short. With this B.R.A.IN, you’ll be able to do things you’ve never thought possible. Here are some of the features:

  • Being able to make educated decisions.
  • Being able to think for yourself.
  • Being able to notice when someone is pulling your leg in all manners of speech.
  • Being able to put letters together in such a manner that actual words are formed.

Not only can it do those things, but if you act within the next 24 hours I’ll throw in the following two (2) products that work well with the B.R.A.IN:

  1. COMa MONster SENt SEarching, or COM.MON.SEN.SE for short: This beast will find just about any misplaced thought and put it back where it belongs for you.
  2. WIShful DOMinion, or WIS.DOM for short: This is a small place out on the ocean where you can use your new B.R.A.IN to find the true meaning of the universe, or at least know how to not upset your in-laws.

So act now and receive your B.R.A.IN, COM.MON.SEN.SE, and WIS.DOM for the very low price of a nickel-ninety-five. You’ll be happy you did.

Author: Saphrym

I am a father, husband, teacher, thinker, reader, and writer. I talk to inanimate objects which tend to talk back to me. Just kidding. They whisper.

15 thoughts on “I’ve Got a Product Just For You!”

  1. @Patsy: Thanks Patsy! I wrote this one a while back, but since I’m moving old posts over to the new blog, I figured this one was good enough to bring on over. I had a lot of fun writing it.

  2. LOL i can probably name at least 10 people who could benefit from this! and yea.. it could be an AWESOME gift.. maybe the girl behind the McDonalds takeout window will be getting this for XMas this year.. she REALLY needs it.
    .-= lindsay´s blog – Power Nubby joins the NRA =-.

  3. Too late. :( It looks like I’ll have to manage with the B.R.A.IN without the COM.MON.SEN.SE or the WIS.DOM. Are you going to guarantee that it will work on its own?

  4. @A.: It’s never too late! Act now and I’ll double your order absolutely free! And yes, the B.R.A.IN does work without those. However, there are no guarantees for how well it will work without them.

  5. There is an additional benefit to your product you might not have considered. A BRAIN is useful to have on hand in the event of the zombie apocalypse. That way, if you find yourself in a pickle, you can toss your brain out into the mob and run the other direction. :) A very useful product indeed. I’d recommend it to anyone!
    .-= Gargantua´s blog – The Question of Sex =-.

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